Published July 1, 2005
Prepare teen for dating
Date rape has become far too common among junior and senior high school and college-aged students. A date rapist may be an acquaintance from one’s school, neighborhood or church. They may even be a close friend, date, boyfriend or girlfriend.
Like other sexual crimes, date rape often goes unreported. There are reasons for this:
• The victim is afraid that he/she will not be believed.
• The victim is embarrassed.
• The victim may feel responsible for the rape. Perpetrators are skilled at twisting the situation in order to make the victim think that the rape is the victim’s fault.
• Social pressures of friendship and fear of peer group disapproval keep the teen from telling.
• The victim may have been intoxicated or "high" during the rape and have unclear memories of what happened. They may not want to disclose that they were under the influence. But the reality is that they were violated. Their impairment is no excuse for the violence they have experienced.
It is helpful for teens to establish personal sexual boundaries in their own minds when they are in a calm, non-date situation. If a date respects them, how will the date act in regard to their sexual boundaries? How should the teen communicate the standards that are important to him/her?
Practice in verbalizing "no" in clear, unmistakable terms can be time well spent. Saying, "Get your hand out of my shirt NOW," is stronger wording and will work better than a weakly spoken "No."
Other defenses the teen can develop against date rape include the following:
• Prepare to get angry. The time for politeness is over.
• Practice talking your way out of the situation. How would you verbalize to the abuser what is happening? The date might not be thinking of his/her actions in terms of "rape." When the word "rape" is used to describe the situation, it can be a powerful negative message. Blunt and unequivocal communication can help.
• Communicate by cell phone. Is there a way to distract the abuser and phone for help?
• Get noisy. If possible, draw the attention of others to the situation.
• Look for an escape. Is there a safe way to get away?
• Move quickly. Staying in a dangerous situation is never a good idea. The more prolonged the encounter, the more chance the abuser has to succeed.
The next Safe Environment Notes column will focus on what to do if, in spite of all precautions, a rape occurs.