Published July 15, 2005

Tips for dating safely

Working with teens as they learn the habits of good dating is a challenge. The teen wants independence. Parental opinions, no matter how subtle, seem intrusive.

However, even when the suggestions appear to be unwanted, it is a parent’s job to convey sensible information on the subject of dating. Keep the communication doors open. Information can help teens develop instincts and judgments that can protect them from unwanted sexual advances from anyone, whether that person be a date or another kind of abuser.

 

Encourage teens to establish an environment conducive to safe dating. Suggestions might include the following:

• Stick close to friends, and make a pact to watch out for each other.

• Do not let your drink — alcoholic or soft drink — out of your sight even for a moment.

• Do not accept offers for drinks from others, especially those you don’t know well.

• Have a plan of action in case someone becomes sick or incapacitated.

 

Let teens know what to do if things go wrong. If you are a victim of date rape, abuse or attempts at these crimes, follow this course of action:

• Get to a safe place — your home, a friend’s home or a safe public place.

• Seek the help of a parent or some other trusted adult.

• Obtain medical attention before showering or bathing.

• Report the incident to the police.

• Get counseling to help you get over the trauma.

Remember that the victim is not at fault. Even if the victim has used poor judgment in the use of drugs or alcohol, this does not give the abuser the right to take advantage of him or her.

 

Here are some other practical dating tips:

• Work hard to develop good habits.

• Trust your instincts. If you are uncomfortable with a situation, leave.

• Learn to communicate sexual boundaries clearly and firmly early in a relationship.

• Date in public places until you know someone well.

• Avoid alcohol and other drugs, as well as people who abuse these substances.

• Do not engage in sexual activity with an intoxicated person.

• Avoid people with disrespectful attitudes about sex.

• Be aware of how much physical force you are using. Learn to accept the fact that "no" means "no."

• Be informed. There are many resources in newspapers and teen publications and at school that discuss good dating habits.

If you are not comfortable discussing these issues at home, find a format that you are comfortable using and think about safe dating habits. This is an important step toward taking personal responsibility and developing maturity.