Published July 29, 2005
Build kids’ confidence
"Raising Careful, Confident Kids in a Crazy World," by Paula Statman, is a good reference for parents who are working to develop personal safety habits in their children.
Among Statman’s practical suggestions are ones that advise parents how to encourage youngsters. Here are a few of her ideas:
• Learn to give children specific rather than generic praise when they do something well. Phrases such as "great," "good job," or "well done," do not give the child enough specific information. Children need to know exactly what they did right. Comments such as, "I like the way you helped me at the grocery store by getting the dairy items; you were a good shopper today," let the young person know precisely what it is that they did well. It is important that children hear from parents that their newly acquired skills are noticed and appreciated. This kind of attention builds a child’s confidence.
• Encourage by recognizing a child’s effort as well as the actual accomplishment. Letting children know that we see how hard they are trying is encouraging, even if they are not successful in performing the new skill. Practice is a good and often necessary component of learning. As long as we let children know that we see them trying and give them suggestions about how to practice effectively, they will avoid discouragement and eventually make progress toward new accomplishments. It is the effort that counts.
• Let children know when something new is hard to do. If they succeed, they will have the satisfaction of knowing that they have accomplished a difficult task. If they fail, they can save face by saying to themselves that, after all, the task is hard and it may take time to learn.
• Never do for a child what the child can do for him/herself. The task may take longer when the child does it; the finished product may not be of the same quality as it would be if the adult did the work alone. But children learn by doing. New challenges are good for them. The parent can judge what is within their range of success and tailor the challenges to be neither too easy nor too hard. Gradually, the child will acquire new skills and be encouraged by the progress they see.
What is the connection between building confidence and raising children who are capable of making good decisions in dangerous situations? It’s simple. Parents can’t and won’t always be there to protect the child. The youngster who has developed a realistic sense of his/her own abilities and limitations is better able to assess and deal with challenges and difficulties.
Statman’s book is available for $12.95 from Piccolo Press,484 Lake Park Ave. #101, Oakland, CA 94610.